Different Can Be Glorious
October 15, 2021

     My husband, Eric, and I have not been married very long – just one month shy of a year.  Both our spouses died within 2 ½ months of each other, and we met half a year later in a support circle at church called Griefshare.  We are, therefore, only just getting deeply acquainted with one another. 

     Typically, when we are in disagreement with one another or he disappoints me in any way, I perceive him as being uncaring.  Since scripture clearly admonishes husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church, that (in my estimation) puts him out of alignment with the Bible.

     But I recently saw on the internet where Kirk Cameron, on his Love Dare Revival video, talked about how men focus on primarily one thing with laser-sharpness, while women are more given to multitasking and are able to take in numerous stimuli at the same time.  That was an eye-opener for me!

     Eric has been working on a website for me.  Even as I sit here writing, he is truly focused on the task of perfecting the website.  He was yesterday, too. All day!  I felt very neglected by him.  This morning, as we talked (as we do every morning) I told him it reminded me of how when we’re at church, people around us can be so focused on one part of the service (like visiting with friends or the music) that they miss out on the remainder of the service.

     But then I brought up Kirk Cameron’s talk on the difference between men and women.  Eric said, “So are you saying, then, that it’s NOT WRONG for me to be laser focused?”  I said, “why No!  It’s precisely why my website is coming into existence on short notice.  But my multi-tasking is also why my books and papers and art supplies are scattered in various places in our home, where I can get to them at a moment’s notice.”

     We both ended up being greatly relieved that neither of us was the bad guy in this situation.  It’s just that each of us serves a different function in our home and in our family roles.  Having said that, however, because we are married, we need to step away from our natural inclinations and also pay attention to one another’s needs.  He has to. And so do I.  We came away with fresh insights and an updated agreement to come together in sharing our needs with one another.  We also realized we take our natural inclinations into other realms of our lives together.  It’s helping us to problem-solve and make adjustments so we can be more efficient in those areas.  Now I tend not to feel so neglected, for example.  And understanding the differences between us is helping me to appreciate my husband more.